Telling OCD’s side of the story
OCD is my embarrassing uncle
If you’ve ever had a quirky but slightly out of touch family member you might relate to how I feel.
I’m not totally open about my mental illnesses and I haven’t been for most of my life, so I struggle to describe my journey and suffering to people in my life.
It also doesn’t help not OCD is so misunderstood. It’s often portrayed in the media as a quirky personality trait and through my life it has been so common to hear people say “Oh, I’m so OCD about this…”.
So I shrugged off OCD as a major problem for me. I believed it wasn’t worth introducing to everyone. I tucked OCD away like a strange family member that unexpectedly visited when my friends were around and broke a silence with a distasteful joke.
However, I’ve been recently asked what it’s like to have OCD and so I decided to ask myself. Who is this OCD? What are they like? What materialized is what I want to share with you.
So, lets meet this OCD…
Can you do this for me…?
OCD is fearful but quick to anger.
You see, OCD wants you to do something for them. To get rid of something or prevent something from happening but their instructions aren’t quite clear.
So you hear OCD out. Hmmm, yeah, you think to yourself. That task seems reasonable enough but as you dust your hands off after finishing the task OCD raises their voice in protest and waves their arms around:
“That was wrong. Do it again!”
You furrow your brows in confusion but you’re willing to get this over with so you start the task again but before you can even finish OCD runs around screaming:
“DO IT AGAIN OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN!”
So with shaking hands you reach out to carefully do it…
“SOMEONE WILL DIE! THE WORLD WILL END! AHHH!”
You crumple to the floor in exhaustion and frustration. Head in your hands and tears welling up in your eyes.
OCD sounds like a barrel of fun, right?
Yeah and that’s only one side of OCD’s personality.
What if…?
OCD sometimes reminds me of games we used to play as kids.
The “What if…?” game. We would ask each other what you would do in a scenario that of course would snowball into ridiculous but funny situations (I still like to play this game sometimes).
However, OCD likes to play an extreme version of this. OCD is edgy like that.
In some moments of concentration or silence OCD likes to creep up slowly to your ear and whisper something strange like…
“What if you just put your hand on that hot stove?”
You shake your head while giving OCD a weird look. OCD stares back blankly, shrugs and walks away as if nothing strange happened.
I’ve never taken action on the “What if…?” scenarios that OCD likes to conjure up but they often lean on the bizarre, grotesque or out right wrong side of things.
I know this isn’t a unique personality trait of OCD but now that I know it’s OCD whispering these weird somethings to me, I feel much more at peace with myself.
Just in case
You ever wanted to double check something just in case? Open window, door, oven? Yeah, you probably know OCD loves this as well but OCD is also a true double checker of personality, love and interests.
OCD gets thinking, inspects a part of you that you were sure of but finds a little hole and plays with it, making it a bit bigger each time.
Sometimes I might be playing a video game, with OCD laying next to me, head propped up on hands, kicking their legs when they ask a question out of the blue:
“Are you sure you don’t play video games just to impress people?”
Or maybe I’m admiring a girl:
“Are you sure you really like girls? Are you sure you aren’t just saying that to yourself to cover up feelings of jealously? Maybe you’re only into them to conform to some sub-conscious want to impress people by being inclusive….blah, blah, blah”
I get it OCD. Please. Some quiet?
Spending time with OCD has made me draw the conclusion that they aren’t very trusting. So sometimes you have to be extra firm with OCD otherwise they will go on and on.
Understanding OCD
If OCD was a person, you probably wouldn’t want to hang out with them from my description right? Not the type of person you want to sit down and have a coffee with? Don’t worry, I get it.
But seeing as OCD isn’t going away anytime soon I hope, like me you can come to at least give OCD a little nod of acknowledgement, give them some space and maybe offer them a cup of tea (decaf is probably for the best).
I don’t enjoy OCD’s company but I will embrace it and I hope I will help others see OCD as a whole and not a tiny quirk.
Takeaway
OCD is still very new to me in terms of a conversation topic but I offer my insight in hopes of contributing to the picture of OCD, even if it is only in the slightest.
I would love to know how you explain OCD to friends, loved ones or even strangers so please leave a response. Educate me and others.
